It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drake has all the answers
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
