Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize