Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
