I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
