I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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