Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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