Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
