Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
