I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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