if i can run in heels then i can drive
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
