I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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