I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
