I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
