Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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