Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Terrible idea I love it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize