My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
