only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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