Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
