My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
