I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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