You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
