sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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