I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
