i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
