Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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