The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
