your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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