honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
