maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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