I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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