It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
