for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
