I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
