If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize