You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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