And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
