I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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