he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The air was thick with penises
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
