we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize