I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
