What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
