dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
