Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
