I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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