By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize