I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
