I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
