Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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