ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
