I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize