____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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