How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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