ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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