Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
