It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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