It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
