Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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