Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
