so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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