HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
