I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
