do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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