Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
