it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
