he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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