this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
