also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have demons in me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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