Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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