We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize