We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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