I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
