he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm at about main and main street
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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