It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did i just pee glitter
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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