So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
