Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
