All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh god the rape fog is back!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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