Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
