This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
