If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
