the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I puked a lego.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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