It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize