Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
