moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Found the puke drawer
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
