i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
