Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize