And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
