This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
