i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would fuck him just for his dog
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
