The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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