tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
