1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
