why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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