Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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