His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't deserve a penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
