you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
