There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Too much gin, very little bucket
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
