I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
