Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
