she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
