I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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