people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
