the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize