Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
